Baby fever

Why Oh Why am I so baby crazy??? I have 2 friends that are newly preggers and another that just had her 3rd. I miss the infant stage so much and I really do want to be pregnant again. But I am at the point where I know another would be hard all around. We live in a small 3 bedroom house and my busy is not going newly as well as I thought it would be at this point. I have been in business for over 3 years and it just is not good.

I want to be able to start thinking about myself and start to take family vactions and all that go along with having the kids be older. But... I still would love to have more. Why???

Off the routine

So it is totally my fault. I needed to be at my mom's this evening so all the girls and I went over there after school. We normally don't do anything after school. We come home from school, do homework, make/eat dinner, play a bit then it is off the bath and bed.
So it is totally my fault. We were still there and it was already 6:30. I know that doesn't sound that late but when your 1 1/2 yr old is used to eating at 5ish it is quite late. She was so done and still needed to get somewhere to eat. We eat dinner and she doesn't want to sit still. We are finally done and on our way home. Everone including myself was on the edge. Baby was screaming and the other 2 were getting on each others nerves.

I was so happy to be home and I almost dont want to go to sleep because I just want to enjoy the silence. This is what happens when you have your kids on a daily routine and get off it. Would it have been easier to not have a routine in the first place??

Do it all

Why do I always get the feeling like I need to be able to do it all? I know I can't and I just get so frustrated with myself when I don't.

For the past week or so I have been trying to do a load of laundry a day (per hubby). This just doesn't work. I am so behind on the laundry I feel like there is no end. And I guess there really isn't. When you have 3 kids and a husband the dirty clothes just don't stop coming. And I can't seem to stay on top of the diapers. What I mean is I will put them in the washer in the morning then forget they are in there so I will finish the rotation and do the hot/soap wash. I forget they are in there so I then I do the last wash cycle. They end up taking me all day. Now I really can't count the diapers as my load for the day, right? But when all is done and I have been in and out of the house all day then end up taking me all day.

Don't really know how I am going to handle this one. Plus the nights that I work I seem to be not on my game with most of the house work.

Then I need the time work on website stuff and networking. There just isn't enough time in a day to do it all.

what a pretty day

It is such a pretty day outside today. And it is hard to say that about the weather here in houston. I wish I wasnt so sleepy. I guess it is ok since the baby is still napping. It is fairly quite in the house. Kailyn is just playing and I am on the computer. We are going to have to cut the baby's nap short to go get Lieanna for her well baby check up. Even though she is not a baby any more (tears).

I had mixed feelings about how the fair went this weekend. I was hoping for a better year (financialy) than last year but we had soooo many new parents wanting information. That is so great because that is why I started my business in the first place.

Feeling defeated

Life is going so fast right now I can barely breathe. My hubby is on vaction and I don't know if I can take it. He makes me feel like I am not doing a good job as a housekeeper. I just get so overwhelmed that if it can't be done right I just don't do it. Getting behind is an easy thing to do, especially with the lanudry. The girls room is a total wreck again. I know it is normal but why does it seem like I can't handle it. And tomorrow is another busy day followed by work that night. Friday I will be so tired and Saturday I know will be even worse. And Saturday is a very special day for our family. The baby is getting baptized in the morning after a long day and work Friday.
I know it sounds like I am belly aching. I just want someone in my life that supports me and the things I want to do. I don't feel that in my life right now. I give and give that to my kids and my husband but who gives it to me? Am I getting it but just don't feel it? My husband asked me today why I am so sleepy all the time. I was thinking that same thing about myself yesterday that exact question. I slept so much this weekend because the girls were at my mom's. And it seems no matter how much I slept I woke up sleepy. I told him I just didn't understand it myself. He asked me if I was depressed. I said I think so. About what he says. I don't know. Do I know and just don't want to say? I feel like if I let myself I could just cry at any minute of the day.
I am just keep putting myself into more and more things thinking that I will feel some kind of fulfillment. Why isn't just being my kids mother enough for me right now??

painting the house

We are going through the house one room at a time painting and redoing. Our way of making the house we have rented for the past 2 years feel more like ours.

We started in the dinning and have now moved on to the living room. At this point I think I may be done. LOL We were having such a hard time with the trim and paint not going on smoothly. After buying 3 cans of white paint I realize (thanks to a friend) that the paint on the trim and chair rails must be an oil based paint. Went to get an oil based white paint and there you have it.

My mom was watching the girls all weekend so that we could paint and we didn't discover the problem until sunday morning. I felt so bad to have to ask her if she wouldn't mind keeping them longer because the fumes from the oil based paint was horrible. We finally got it done but the house still really stinks.

How am I going to continue with this through out the rest of the house???

So Done

I have always played with the idea of having more kids. I love kids and babies and would love to have a big family. However, this summer is really testing me. The house is always a mess. Someone is always spelling something. I clean a room and have a baby following right behind me pulling things down. I just don't know if I could have anymore. I was so over it today. My 3 yr old is/was potty trained for atleast 10 months or longer. She has decided that she can't make it to the bathroom anymore and just pees right where she is standing.  I had an entire load of laundry that was towel, panies, and bottoms just from the past 2 days of her peeing on the floor. I just get so mad. I try not to but that is my first reaction. I dont know if maybe she needs more attention from me and is trying to get any attention that she can (whether it be negative or not). Maybe she has a medical condition. But I know she doesn't because she was doing just fine before and could hold it long enough to back it to the bathroom.

Also, this whole meal planning thing. I am so bad at it. Why can't I be on top of it with meals? It is so tiring having to plan a nutrious breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and most time snacks) for all these little people. And how do you not feel gulty when you give them pizza or nuggets or whatever when you forgot/didn't have time to go to the store for dinner.

I just think I am so done.