So Done

I have always played with the idea of having more kids. I love kids and babies and would love to have a big family. However, this summer is really testing me. The house is always a mess. Someone is always spelling something. I clean a room and have a baby following right behind me pulling things down. I just don't know if I could have anymore. I was so over it today. My 3 yr old is/was potty trained for atleast 10 months or longer. She has decided that she can't make it to the bathroom anymore and just pees right where she is standing.  I had an entire load of laundry that was towel, panies, and bottoms just from the past 2 days of her peeing on the floor. I just get so mad. I try not to but that is my first reaction. I dont know if maybe she needs more attention from me and is trying to get any attention that she can (whether it be negative or not). Maybe she has a medical condition. But I know she doesn't because she was doing just fine before and could hold it long enough to back it to the bathroom.

Also, this whole meal planning thing. I am so bad at it. Why can't I be on top of it with meals? It is so tiring having to plan a nutrious breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and most time snacks) for all these little people. And how do you not feel gulty when you give them pizza or nuggets or whatever when you forgot/didn't have time to go to the store for dinner.

I just think I am so done.

The girls are at my moms

So I thought I would get the girls go to my mom's house tonight because I knew that Tommy (my husband) would have to go to work tomorrow and I would be tired and not really in the best of moods if I had to get up with the girls. I am such a night owl. Working nights is fine for me because I have no problem staying up late but then to have to wake up early is not really the easiest thing to do. I have to work and waiting tables is easy (but tiring) but I could not do it during the day. One reason is I would have to pay for child care. I did that I might as well work are "real" job. Another reason is because you simply make more money waiting tables at night oppose to lunch. Just sucks is all.

Keeping it Up

I have exercised 4 days this week. This the most I have done since I was a teenager on the dance team at school. I almost didn't do it today but just could not let down my partner. I can see a bit of a difference.

Feeling bad

So I have been told that every time I am not home for bedtime the girls are all asking for me. There is lots of crying and I want mommy's. That just makes me feel so bad! I am trying to be a good mom, make my business a success and do things that I want to do. Oh and I have to wait tables too.
I went to a meeting tonight because I want to be involved with the birth fair this year and when I got home I heard about all the crying. Then my 6 yr old comes in my room after being asleep for at least 2 hrs crying. I took her back to bed and tried to find out what was wrong. She did not want to tell me. I really think that she was partly sleep walking because of the way she was acting. Anyway, she said that she was not happy. I tried to get her to talk to me about it but she just wouldn't. (Something I guess I should get use to). I just hated seeing her like that and wanted to help and fix it.

How are you suppose to do this? Stretch your time during the day to make time for all your kids, your job, and yourself. Are my kids going to grow up hating me for not being there that one time they remember in your young lives.

Working and getting up

It is so hard to work at night and wake up with the kids the next day. I am not getting to sleep til 1am and having a girl wake up because she wants me to hug her. Ofcourse I went and layed with her. My sweet girl may not want me soon so I have to go when she needs me. But to have to wake up at 7am, yes I know that is not that early, with the baby and be happy about it is a hard thing to do.

I am in bed trying very hard to wake up and the baby is standing next to the bed going U,U,U,U,U, mama, U,U,U,U, mama. Very cute, how could not be happy about that face.

Lack of Exercise

It has been 4 days with no exercise and lots of bad food. I feel just horrible. I know that I have to do it tomorrow but when. I have to pack everything up to head to birth center in the morning for a diaper showing. Then home for naptime. I will not let E go without a nap, hehehe. Then I need to get to store because we are literally out of food. To top it off we have a meeting with the landlords at 6pm. After that is bath and bed for the girls. Will I really have to sacrifice my late night computer time for exercise?!? I guess if I want to loose this baby weight (yes that is what I am calling it nearly 16 months after she was born), I will have to. BOOHOO

ICAN meeting today

I have to say that now that I have had my VBAC's I have thought about not going to these meeting anymore. But I just can't seem to do it. I feel like these ladies are family even though I only seem them once a month. Isn't funny how you can feel such a connection to someone because of one thing that you have in common with them. My husband has asked me when I was going to stop going to these meeting. I replied "NEVER". I had so much support during my pregnancy and I plan to return the support for as long as can!

Taking my life back

I have started exercising again and I feel so much better about myself. A friend of mine and I have made commentment to each other to do this. When we are not meeting to do a workout together we are calling each other to make sure the other one has done their workout for the day. The one thing that I really need to work on is my diet. I am not a horrible eater but I don't like to follow a plan. I know what I should and should not be eating but I simply choose not eat it. I know that eventiually I will have to change my eating habits if I really want the pounds to come off. Until then, I will continue to exercise has hard as my body will let me.

Good day

I had such a great day today. I was able to take a nap at 12 and didn't wake up til 4pm. And what did I wake up you ask. My hubby cleaning the the kitchen. It looked so great. He had already done the dinning room. He must have got the cleaning bug. After the girls were in bed he cleans the bathroom. I did the toilet for him but he went ahead and installed the new seats. I just wish we could keep the bedroom clean. Why is our room the catch all?? I guess it is because no one sees this room but us.

rainy days and going to work

So it is raining so hard outside and I have to work tonight. I really wish I could stay in. But the good news is that with all the new movies will help on a rainy day like today.