Off the routine

So it is totally my fault. I needed to be at my mom's this evening so all the girls and I went over there after school. We normally don't do anything after school. We come home from school, do homework, make/eat dinner, play a bit then it is off the bath and bed.
So it is totally my fault. We were still there and it was already 6:30. I know that doesn't sound that late but when your 1 1/2 yr old is used to eating at 5ish it is quite late. She was so done and still needed to get somewhere to eat. We eat dinner and she doesn't want to sit still. We are finally done and on our way home. Everone including myself was on the edge. Baby was screaming and the other 2 were getting on each others nerves.

I was so happy to be home and I almost dont want to go to sleep because I just want to enjoy the silence. This is what happens when you have your kids on a daily routine and get off it. Would it have been easier to not have a routine in the first place??

Do it all

Why do I always get the feeling like I need to be able to do it all? I know I can't and I just get so frustrated with myself when I don't.

For the past week or so I have been trying to do a load of laundry a day (per hubby). This just doesn't work. I am so behind on the laundry I feel like there is no end. And I guess there really isn't. When you have 3 kids and a husband the dirty clothes just don't stop coming. And I can't seem to stay on top of the diapers. What I mean is I will put them in the washer in the morning then forget they are in there so I will finish the rotation and do the hot/soap wash. I forget they are in there so I then I do the last wash cycle. They end up taking me all day. Now I really can't count the diapers as my load for the day, right? But when all is done and I have been in and out of the house all day then end up taking me all day.

Don't really know how I am going to handle this one. Plus the nights that I work I seem to be not on my game with most of the house work.

Then I need the time work on website stuff and networking. There just isn't enough time in a day to do it all.

what a pretty day

It is such a pretty day outside today. And it is hard to say that about the weather here in houston. I wish I wasnt so sleepy. I guess it is ok since the baby is still napping. It is fairly quite in the house. Kailyn is just playing and I am on the computer. We are going to have to cut the baby's nap short to go get Lieanna for her well baby check up. Even though she is not a baby any more (tears).

I had mixed feelings about how the fair went this weekend. I was hoping for a better year (financialy) than last year but we had soooo many new parents wanting information. That is so great because that is why I started my business in the first place.

Feeling defeated

Life is going so fast right now I can barely breathe. My hubby is on vaction and I don't know if I can take it. He makes me feel like I am not doing a good job as a housekeeper. I just get so overwhelmed that if it can't be done right I just don't do it. Getting behind is an easy thing to do, especially with the lanudry. The girls room is a total wreck again. I know it is normal but why does it seem like I can't handle it. And tomorrow is another busy day followed by work that night. Friday I will be so tired and Saturday I know will be even worse. And Saturday is a very special day for our family. The baby is getting baptized in the morning after a long day and work Friday.
I know it sounds like I am belly aching. I just want someone in my life that supports me and the things I want to do. I don't feel that in my life right now. I give and give that to my kids and my husband but who gives it to me? Am I getting it but just don't feel it? My husband asked me today why I am so sleepy all the time. I was thinking that same thing about myself yesterday that exact question. I slept so much this weekend because the girls were at my mom's. And it seems no matter how much I slept I woke up sleepy. I told him I just didn't understand it myself. He asked me if I was depressed. I said I think so. About what he says. I don't know. Do I know and just don't want to say? I feel like if I let myself I could just cry at any minute of the day.
I am just keep putting myself into more and more things thinking that I will feel some kind of fulfillment. Why isn't just being my kids mother enough for me right now??

painting the house

We are going through the house one room at a time painting and redoing. Our way of making the house we have rented for the past 2 years feel more like ours.

We started in the dinning and have now moved on to the living room. At this point I think I may be done. LOL We were having such a hard time with the trim and paint not going on smoothly. After buying 3 cans of white paint I realize (thanks to a friend) that the paint on the trim and chair rails must be an oil based paint. Went to get an oil based white paint and there you have it.

My mom was watching the girls all weekend so that we could paint and we didn't discover the problem until sunday morning. I felt so bad to have to ask her if she wouldn't mind keeping them longer because the fumes from the oil based paint was horrible. We finally got it done but the house still really stinks.

How am I going to continue with this through out the rest of the house???

So Done

I have always played with the idea of having more kids. I love kids and babies and would love to have a big family. However, this summer is really testing me. The house is always a mess. Someone is always spelling something. I clean a room and have a baby following right behind me pulling things down. I just don't know if I could have anymore. I was so over it today. My 3 yr old is/was potty trained for atleast 10 months or longer. She has decided that she can't make it to the bathroom anymore and just pees right where she is standing.  I had an entire load of laundry that was towel, panies, and bottoms just from the past 2 days of her peeing on the floor. I just get so mad. I try not to but that is my first reaction. I dont know if maybe she needs more attention from me and is trying to get any attention that she can (whether it be negative or not). Maybe she has a medical condition. But I know she doesn't because she was doing just fine before and could hold it long enough to back it to the bathroom.

Also, this whole meal planning thing. I am so bad at it. Why can't I be on top of it with meals? It is so tiring having to plan a nutrious breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and most time snacks) for all these little people. And how do you not feel gulty when you give them pizza or nuggets or whatever when you forgot/didn't have time to go to the store for dinner.

I just think I am so done.

The girls are at my moms

So I thought I would get the girls go to my mom's house tonight because I knew that Tommy (my husband) would have to go to work tomorrow and I would be tired and not really in the best of moods if I had to get up with the girls. I am such a night owl. Working nights is fine for me because I have no problem staying up late but then to have to wake up early is not really the easiest thing to do. I have to work and waiting tables is easy (but tiring) but I could not do it during the day. One reason is I would have to pay for child care. I did that I might as well work are "real" job. Another reason is because you simply make more money waiting tables at night oppose to lunch. Just sucks is all.

Keeping it Up

I have exercised 4 days this week. This the most I have done since I was a teenager on the dance team at school. I almost didn't do it today but just could not let down my partner. I can see a bit of a difference.

Feeling bad

So I have been told that every time I am not home for bedtime the girls are all asking for me. There is lots of crying and I want mommy's. That just makes me feel so bad! I am trying to be a good mom, make my business a success and do things that I want to do. Oh and I have to wait tables too.
I went to a meeting tonight because I want to be involved with the birth fair this year and when I got home I heard about all the crying. Then my 6 yr old comes in my room after being asleep for at least 2 hrs crying. I took her back to bed and tried to find out what was wrong. She did not want to tell me. I really think that she was partly sleep walking because of the way she was acting. Anyway, she said that she was not happy. I tried to get her to talk to me about it but she just wouldn't. (Something I guess I should get use to). I just hated seeing her like that and wanted to help and fix it.

How are you suppose to do this? Stretch your time during the day to make time for all your kids, your job, and yourself. Are my kids going to grow up hating me for not being there that one time they remember in your young lives.

Working and getting up

It is so hard to work at night and wake up with the kids the next day. I am not getting to sleep til 1am and having a girl wake up because she wants me to hug her. Ofcourse I went and layed with her. My sweet girl may not want me soon so I have to go when she needs me. But to have to wake up at 7am, yes I know that is not that early, with the baby and be happy about it is a hard thing to do.

I am in bed trying very hard to wake up and the baby is standing next to the bed going U,U,U,U,U, mama, U,U,U,U, mama. Very cute, how could not be happy about that face.

Lack of Exercise

It has been 4 days with no exercise and lots of bad food. I feel just horrible. I know that I have to do it tomorrow but when. I have to pack everything up to head to birth center in the morning for a diaper showing. Then home for naptime. I will not let E go without a nap, hehehe. Then I need to get to store because we are literally out of food. To top it off we have a meeting with the landlords at 6pm. After that is bath and bed for the girls. Will I really have to sacrifice my late night computer time for exercise?!? I guess if I want to loose this baby weight (yes that is what I am calling it nearly 16 months after she was born), I will have to. BOOHOO

ICAN meeting today

I have to say that now that I have had my VBAC's I have thought about not going to these meeting anymore. But I just can't seem to do it. I feel like these ladies are family even though I only seem them once a month. Isn't funny how you can feel such a connection to someone because of one thing that you have in common with them. My husband has asked me when I was going to stop going to these meeting. I replied "NEVER". I had so much support during my pregnancy and I plan to return the support for as long as can!

Taking my life back

I have started exercising again and I feel so much better about myself. A friend of mine and I have made commentment to each other to do this. When we are not meeting to do a workout together we are calling each other to make sure the other one has done their workout for the day. The one thing that I really need to work on is my diet. I am not a horrible eater but I don't like to follow a plan. I know what I should and should not be eating but I simply choose not eat it. I know that eventiually I will have to change my eating habits if I really want the pounds to come off. Until then, I will continue to exercise has hard as my body will let me.

Good day

I had such a great day today. I was able to take a nap at 12 and didn't wake up til 4pm. And what did I wake up you ask. My hubby cleaning the the kitchen. It looked so great. He had already done the dinning room. He must have got the cleaning bug. After the girls were in bed he cleans the bathroom. I did the toilet for him but he went ahead and installed the new seats. I just wish we could keep the bedroom clean. Why is our room the catch all?? I guess it is because no one sees this room but us.

rainy days and going to work

So it is raining so hard outside and I have to work tonight. I really wish I could stay in. But the good news is that with all the new movies will help on a rainy day like today.

Father's Day

We had such a great father's day. My hubby, my 2 oldest and myself went to the movies to see Toy Story 3. I really liked it. I have to say that I am a big fan of the toy story movies and Pixar in general but it was really good. My mom watched the baby. It was so sweet of her to clean while we were gone. Unfortuately my hubby had to go to work right after the movie and was gone for the rest of the day. He didn't get home til after dinner. But I guess we are getting use to that.

I didn't get to see my dad because he had to work today too. We did make plans to see him next weekend.

Waiting tables

If being a mom to 3 active girls and trying to keep my business going, I wait tables 2 nights a week. I try to work two busy nights without taking up my weekend. I need the money but don't want to take away from family time with hubby. But (this is the but) I am usually so tired after working thursday night and friday night that on saturday morning I don't want to do anything. I am doing this for the family but sometimes I think maybe I should just put the kids in day care and work a 9-5. But then I feel like I wouldn't really know my kids as well as I do and my house would still be a mess because I would not be home all day. I could not imagine having to do all the laundry I have to do if I worked those hours.

I guess you are always second guessing yourself and the decisions my make for your kids and your family. How do you balance it all? How do you do what you want and what you need? I really want my business to grow. I would love for it to actually make money so that it would be what is bringing in the money for the family instead of me having to wait tables. I wish I didn't have to over backwards for business.

For instance, I had a women call saying she wanted to buy a cloth diaper kit for her daughter. I told her that I had to work but she could meet me there and I would bring the item with me to work. I have done this before and it is a good place to meet moms for pickup. I do this the help local moms save on shipping and they can have their items right away. It is the closest thing to having a retail store as I can give at this point. Anyway, I took this big box with me to work and the lady doesn't show. I didn't I just tell her to send me the paypal and then she could just pick up the item. That way I would have been assured the sell and she could still have her item fast w/o having to pay shipping. And if she didn't want the item and not send pp I would have saved myself the stress of making sure I took that darn box with me to work.

Oh Well, such is life I guess.

Test of patience

I really would love to have more babies. But after a day like today I just don't think I can handle the ones I have now. My middle one will simply not listen to me or anyone for that matter. She does what she wants when she wants. Not to mention she can't keep those little hands to herself. I found myself loosing my patience more than once with her today.

How in the world did my grandma do it???? She had 5 kids. Four of those were a year apart. So a newborn, a one yr old, a two yr old and a three yr old. WTF??? How???? Plus she washed her cloth diapers by hand and hung them to dry. OR she would walk to her mothers house a block way with all the kids to wash in her washing machine. But still no dryer. I really wish she was still here to help understand how she did it. I really miss her.

Am I stupid to want another baby. Do I really want another or am I just in love with pregnancy and birth so much that I would want another baby just for that? Man that sounds really silly, it is the truth. I think that pregnacny and birth are one of the most amazing things we as women can do.

First full day to blog

I have had a very good Sunday. Up way too early but what else is new. We had breakfast then was off to Lowe's for some yard supplies. Washed the diapers and the towels and loaded the dishwasher. Today was the one sunday we have our ICAN meetings. It is a great time to talk to other women about birth and how we feel about it. We support each other in ways I didn't think could be. I love having a place to go to and say how I feel about my births and everyone there understands. I got to take a friend and her new baby boy.

You know after my third baby girl was born I was 100% sure that I did not want to have anymore kids. I knew that after my second I was not ready to stop so when I had that feeling during my third pregnancy I was like "ok so this is it, I know, I am sure". But now I think that it would great to have more babies.

Then I try to think about how this last pregnancy was so hard on my body. Then the whole breastfeeding issues I have. I, ofcourse without a doubt would try to breastfeed the next. If there was a next that is. But also reminds me of all the money it costs for formula. Man I really hated having to buy formula and making bottles.

Anyway, I am happy to say that I am getting some alone time. Mom has all the girls at sis's house swimming.
Time to think about dinner then lots more net surfing.

Personal blog

So I have decided to start a personal blog all about my life at a mom to 3 kids. I am a working mom and want to share my adventures of everyday life. I have 3 kids ages 6, 3, and 1. I own my own business and I wait table at night. Life can be a bit hard but everything I do worth it. I hope that many people will enjoy reading about this. But I am mainly doing this for myself.